41weeks, 5days

It does feel like the waiting has taken forever. I am physically and emotionally exausted by the constant delay in our baby girl's birth. We so hoped that labour would kick in naturally, and I have been having contractions which are now spaced 10 - 15 mins apart and getting more painful, but delaying induction past today -- for another 24 or 48 hours will drive me crazy as I feel as though I have already been bargaining with my sanity for the past 3 weeks. I do not want to put any risk on her life by delaying things further than being 2 weeks 'overdue'.

The arguement to wait is strong & I feel as though I am giving in or being weak in this, but, as Sandy says, sometimes, by delaying things, it is the baby's way to let us know that they are not able to come out as we intend them to. She could still be too big. Both Geoff and I were induced at our births and delivered 'naturally' by our mothers. I try and convince myself that there is not shame in helping things along.  There is no shame. Are we being too hasty? We cannot know, so we trust Sandy, who we chose to trust with my and our daughters lives - she has been doing this for 25 years and she has seen things go very right as well as very wrong.

I found an article here which states that "there is no evidence to suggest that labour induced with prostaglandin [gel] is any more painful than labour that has started naturally" which gives me a lot of hope that things will progress and unfold at their own pace. My cervix is already soft & has shortened considerably...


I still hold hope that things will kick off & pick up considerably in the next 6 hours... until then, I am trying to relax and focus on being happy about meeting our daughter - hopefully tomorrow x

Reasons To Be Born

Dear Stella

I realise that you are probably getting a bit cramped inside my stomach at this point, and your father recons you're so happy on all the vitamins and healthy food etc I've been feeding us for the past 41 weeks... that you're probably so happy in there that you just don't want to come out (you know there's no cake for a few years once you're born!!)... so I wanted to put down some reasons for you of why the world will be a great place to live in & why I would like you to please come and join us on the outside:

• Your dad and I really want to hold you and hug you and feel your skin against ours!
  
• I have been looking forward to kissing your feet since I first felt them kicking me from the inside, 22 weeks ago....please don't make me wait too much longer!
  
• Your dad has a whole collection of amazing music that he wants to share with you - that he has already been playing for you while you're all snug inside - We trust you've been enjoying it already.
  
• There are many creatures beyond dreams that you will be able to discover in this world: there are ones that fly... swim... run fast... ones that look funny / do funny things / make funny noises... the list is endless: you will be able to discover them all!
  
• There are beautiful things that grow on the earth that are rooted into soil called 'plants'. Some grow big - some stay small... some you can eat and others are so pretty to look at! Some are just plain weird! You will probably never see every one of them in your whole life! There are always new ones to discover.
  
• There is a great mass of water - better than amniotic fluid - which stretches wide and deep across where land is not exposed. This is called The Sea or The Ocean. It has tides which are ruled by the moon and the edges of the water, the beaches, experience amazing things called waves which you will be able to swim in and even surf if you want to one day. Your dad is a great wave surfer and he will take you into the sea and teach you all he knows about how it works.
  
• There are two phases of every day: a dark one and a light one. The dark one is called 'night' and is peaceful and calm and has a strange beauty that you will learn to appreciate - if you look up into the sky at night you will see a big ball of lovely light in the night sky. This is the 'moon' which circles the earth. You will also see billions of things called 'stars' which twinkle. You can see patterns in the stars.. some of them have names! Your name means 'a star' because we think you will be the most beautiful, shining little being who will bring us endless joy with the light of your life-glow.
  
  The light phase is called 'day' and that is when most things are awake. Day is full of the most beautiful colours you could ever imagine! There are endless combinations of colours and you will be free to combine them however you choose!
  
• You have a wonderful family who can't wait to meet you. Your Gran is a wonderful, gentle person who you will see often as she lives in Cape Town. Your nanny and grandpa are visiting here in Cape Town already for your birth & they are ready to spoil you with love & kisses for as long as you will know them. They are beyond wonderful. You also have a great grandmother who you will call 'Gog' - she is a bit crazy, but she can't wait to meet you and hold you! (her perfume is very strong and she has a very strange face, but she has good intentions and has led an amazing life). You have 4 cousins and a fifth on the way - aunties and uncles... and then there are SO many friends who also can't wait for your arrival so that they can start getting to know you.
  
• There are other cycles in the world called 'seasons'. There are four main ones: you will get to know the cold one, the hot one & the shorter seasons that go in between. They are all wonderful for different reasons - some plants grow only in one season - some birds only like hot seasons so they fly across the world to keep warm when it starts getting cold.
  
• The whole world is very big and may seem quite scary. There are different parts and regions to the world with people who may seem strange - speak various languages that you will probably not have time in your life to learn - believe in things that are not important to you - some who believe things that may become important to you. The good news is that we will try and give you every opportunity to get to explore these things and decide for yourself. We want to show you as much of the world as we can, and through your experiences, we will see things again, new and fresh, through your eyes experiencing them for the first time.... just as every little thing you learn will be a new realisation, we will re-realise with you & our joy of life & appreciation for 'simple' things will be mirrored from your brand new experience of them.
  
• There will be times when you will be sad, angry or not feel as though you wish to find out what's around the corner. The truth about life on this planet is that things take time and if you allow them time, everything works out in the most perfect way. It is learning to let things unfold naturally that is one of the biggest lessons you will most likely constantly have to remind yourself of.
  
• The 'meaning' of life is different for each person. For me, it is to strive to be the best person that I can be - I have been given the skills to gain knowledge & understating of situations in order to make the best of them. It is not always easy, but I know that I am trying my best to be conscious in decisions & giving the highest value to every moment, because each moment really is precious.
  

I will add reasons as I think of them.... but in short, life is an adventure. There is so much to enjoy - to explore - to learn. There are endless ways to grow. You may want to conquer mental, emotional or physical persuits.. your whole life lies before you - a blank canvas with every colour & creative option available for you to carve your way, weave your life into a tapestry of your choosing.

Please come and meet us soon. I love you. We love you.

40 Weeks

Well, we're finally at 40 weeks (actually moved past and swiftly onto almost 41 weeks) and I am feeling that our little girl must come now. I am not sleeping well - I have had strange headaches, dreams & other strange feelings in my body...but mostly I feel as though my optimistic state of mind may just deteriorate if she doesn't come soon!!!!

Aline came over to press some pressure points for me for the second time this morning. I can understand that this is a "waiting game"...and it's not a fun and it's certainly NOT A GAME! It is very frustrating. But as Aline says - perhaps this is my lesson in letting my daughter do things in her own time. After all: I do demand that others allow me my own time in which to do things.

Being at this point - which is a point beyond which I thought we would be - I feel ready to move to the next phase of our lives. We have known since 21 December 2010 when we were 4 weeks along that we will have a baby in the next 36 weeks. 252 days is a long long time to wait... and 5 days past that, with all the discomforts of an ever increasing stomach size & other pregnancy symptoms, makes for wishing that we can just meet her already!!!! Days can be miscalculated... babies can need a bit of extra time to be snug in side before greeting the big world. We do not know the reasons behind these things, but it doesn't make waiting any easier - hoping that at any moment things will at least start any less desperate - wondering how things will go when things do kick into action any less concerning.

Goodbye 1 September.... almost hello to 2 September: who knows what you may bring????


How your baby's growing:
It's hard to say for sure how big your baby will be, but the average newborn weighs about 3.4kg (a small pumpkin) and is about 50 cm long. Her skull bones are not yet fused, which allows them to overlap a bit if it's a snug fit through the birth canal during labor. This so-called "molding" is the reason your baby's noggin may look a little conehead-ish after birth. Rest assured — it's normal and temporary.

How your life's changing:
After months of anticipation, your due date rolls around, and... you're still pregnant. It's a frustrating, but common, situation in which to find yourself. You may not be as late as you think, especially if you're relying solely on a due date calculated from the day of your last period because sometimes women ovulate later than expected. Even with reliable dating, some women have prolonged pregnancies for no apparent reason.

You still have a couple of weeks before you'll be considered "post-term." But to be sure your baby is still thriving, your practitioner will schedule you for testing to keep an eye on her if your pregnancy continues. You may have a biophysical profile (BPP), which consists of an ultrasound to look at your baby's overall movements, breathing movements (movement of her chest muscles and diaphragm), and muscle tone (whether she opens and closes her hand or extends and then flexes her limbs), as well as the amount of amniotic fluid that surrounds her (important because it's a reflection of how well the placenta is supporting your baby). Fetal heart rate monitoring (called a nonstress test or NST) will generally be done as well — by itself or as part of the BPP. Or, you may have what's known as a modified BPP, which consists of an NST and an ultrasound to assess the amount of amniotic fluid. If the fetal testing isn't reassuring — the amniotic fluid level is too low, for example — you'll be induced. If there's a serious, urgent problem, you may have an immediate c-section. Your practitioner will also check your cervix to see if it's "ripening." Its position, how soft it is, how effaced (thinned out) it is, and how dilated (open) it is can all affect when and how your labor is induced. If you don't go into labor on your own, you'll be induced, usually sometime between 41 and 42 weeks.

39 Weeks...

I had a great and productive week this last week...  I went to get fabric for the nursery - for the blind, bumper & lampshade cover - and I also worked on the blinds for the house & various other bits for our little girl's arrival between going to the hairdresser (so glad I went!) & doing other non-work related things.... like visiting T'Neal and Geoff and I going for a long overdue photoshoot which I got for Geoff as his birthday present last November! :)

I sewed all day on Saturday & on Sunday headed off to The One And Only for High Tea (oh my - so much cake!) in order to spoil Aline - a 'girlie' event to pamper her a little before little Aerin's arrival (in 5 or so weeks time)... Her official baby shower is on Saturday but I may not make it if I'm in the hospital / at home with my baby! :)

I had a fantastic meeting with my midwife, Sandy, on Thursday last week where I gave her our birth plan & we discussed various things relating to "THE DAY" - which seems to be moving ever so fast and swiftly closer!!!! She said that she doesn't need to see me this week & that if I do, it will be for the birth (!!!!) ...otherwise I will see Sandy on Monday (the 29th)....and I'll see Dr.Nel right in the beginning of September if no baby has arrived yet.

My hormones are doing crazy things & I have to really watch myself - calm down - take deep breaths & get things done one thing at a time. On top of being super sensitive and emotional, at this point it is hard not to feel rather overwhelmed by what may lie ahead... WHEN the big moment of starting labour may occur...? How it will feel to have her OUT rather than IN... We love her so much already, but how long it will take for us to become irrevocably smitten with her in her hold-able-in-our-arms human form? ...How sore will it be? ...Am I ready for all of this change? I can only trust that she will arrive in her own time - hopefully on the day of her choosing - and that we will somehow feel ready when the time comes to welcome her.

She's moving around quite a bit, but I can sense that she's running out of the little bit of room that she still has left... I've been feeling quite energetic again this week, but with moments of collapse which can occur at any moment.

Geoff made me laugh so hard yesterday morning:
He put his face to my tummy & said in a deep voice: "Good Morning Stella"
..and then in a squeaky voice: "Good Morning Daddy"
Geoff deep voice: "What are you doing today, Stella?"
Geoff squeaky voice: "Well, first I'm having my amniotic breakfast..." :)

Besides the house to-do list that Geoff and I have set up for the next few days:

Things to do:

• Finish Birth Plan - DONE
• Collect Birth Ball - DONE
• Buy Nappies - ASAP!!
• Make Roman Blind for the Nursery - ALMOST DONE
• Read pregnancy books
• Practice Relaxations & Visualisations
• Do my Tax - HALF DONE! 
• PACK MY HOSPITAL BAG!!!!

Baby Center Says:
Your baby's waiting to greet the world! She continues to build a layer of fat to help control her body temperature after birth, but it's likely she already measures about 50cm and weighs a bit over 3.2 kg, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

How your life's changing:
At each of your now-weekly visits, your caregiver will do an abdominal exam to check your baby's growth and position. She might also do an internal exam to see whether your cervix has started ripening: softening, effacing (thinning out), and dilating (opening). But even armed with this information, there's still no way for your caregiver to predict exactly when your baby is coming. If you go past your due date, your caregiver will schedule you for fetal testing (usually a sonogram) after 40 weeks to ensure that it's safe to continue the pregnancy. If you don't go into labor on your own, most practitioners will induce labor when you're between one and two weeks overdue — or sooner if there's an indication that the risk of waiting is greater than the risks of delivering your baby without further delay. While you're waiting, it's important to continue to pay attention to your baby's movements and let your caregiver know right away if they seem to decrease. Your baby should remain active right up to delivery, and a noticeable slowdown in activity could be a sign of a problem. Also call if you think your water may have broken. Membranes rupture before the beginning of labor in about 8 percent of term pregnancies. Sometimes there's a big gush of fluid, but sometimes there's only a small gush or a slow leak. (Don't try to make the diagnosis yourself. Call even if you only suspect you have a leak.) If you rupture your membranes and don't start contractions on your own, you'll be induced.
 

38 Weeks - Time = Blur

38 Week Bump - Pic taken by Geoff on a walk down to the vlei yesterday

Time seems to be slipping past at a rate so rapid I cannot believe I'm not more light headed. There seems to be so much to do... so many details that keep cropping up that I was not aware of -- that I am trying to either deal with or let go of.  I'm emotional, snappy, exhausted and generally quite 'finished' but I am trying to keep a positive attitude & do things that I really want to do in these last days before we meet our little girl. (Hard as that is with work still coming through!)

JW and Eloise's little boy was born via c-section yesterday afternoon as he had turned breech & there didn't seem to be 'any turning back' ;)  She was only 3 or 4 days ahead of me so it is quite strange for me that they are holding their little one on the outside already...I suppose there are only officially 11 days left for our little squirmer to remain inside! It feels so close and so far...

Our previous rental's deposit came through without the deduction of the early termination fee so I am spoiling myself to a haircut tomorrow...and perhaps a massage within the next week if our little wriggler has not arrived yet....although I may have to save that for when she's here and I need a pamper break!!

I've had some lovely visits and phonecalls over the past week - it's lovely to feel so supported. Geoff is trying to get used to the baby paraphernalia which seems to continually stream into the house from various sources -- He's not that excited about having a 'nappy bin' - but then again: who would be?!

I've also been trying to get lots of walks / other exercise in so that I'm not completely unfit for the birth and beyond! The reality that she could be here any day now is very preoccupying!

T'Neal says that the symptoms I'm showing sound like she's on her way: After a couple of weeks of unbelievable energy, I've started getting mild but persistent headaches, I've become really thirsty, she's pushing down really low into my pelvis (which is really painful!), I'm having stranger and stranger dreams, my stools have become really loose, I'm more tired, I've lost most of my appetite, I'm getting lots of Braxton Hicks contractions & I'm generally feeling much more emotional than before.

Things to do:

• Finish Birth Plan - by Midwife appointment on Thursday morning
• Collect Birth Ball - ASAP
• Buy Nappies - ASAP
• Make Roman Blind for the Nursery - ASAP
• Read pregnancy books
• Practice Relaxations & Visualisations
• Do my Tax (!)

Baby Center Says:
How your baby's growing:
Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 3kg and she's over 50cm long. She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb. Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

How your life's changing:
For many women, the next couple of weeks are a waiting game. Use this time to prepare your baby's nursery or to take care of necessary tasks you may not get around to for a while after your baby's born. Take naps, catch up on your reading, and spend uninterrupted time with your partner while you can.

37 weeks - Full Term!

We passed the 37 week mark this week which means that our little Stella is considered 'Full Term'. I can hardly believe there are only 3 weeks or so left until we meet our little girl!

It is so great to have her room with all her things in it. It even smells like 'baby' in there! Shelley sent a lovely prezzie from the UK - the mozzie net with bunting that I really really wanted from IKEA as well as some beautiful cloths :)

While taking some pics I noticed my first stretch marks ..I was hoping to escape those, but it doesn't look as thought I've been so lucky :(

Tomorrow night will be full moon -- I've heard and read that the full moon can bring on labour so it will be interesting to see if anything starts happening - The theory is that the moon’s gravitational pull effects the amniotic fluid in much the same way as it effects the water in the sea, rivers and even the water that’s otherwise found in our bodies.- source

 I have started feeling very energetic. T'Neal says that increased energy & urge to nest..as well as a slight drop in weight are signs that labour is near. I still feel like it must be really far away! I am just getting into some of the crafting (blind and bumper sewing etc) I want to finish before she arrives!

Baby Center Says: 

Your baby is now considered "full term," even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. (Some babies need a bit more time, though. So if you're planning to have a repeat c-section, for example, your practitioner will schedule it for no earlier than 39 weeks unless there's a medical reason to intervene earlier.) Your baby weighs 2.8kg and measures a bit over 48cm, head to heel. Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1.2cm to 3.8cm long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

How your life's changing:
Braxton Hicks contractions may be coming more frequently now and may last longer and be more uncomfortable. You might also notice an increase in vaginal discharge. If you see some "bloody show" (mucus tinged with a tiny amount of blood) in the toilet or in your undies, labor is probably a few days away — or less. It may be harder than ever to get comfortable enough to sleep well at night. If you can, take it easy through the day — this may be your last chance to do so for quite a while. Keep monitoring your baby's movements, too, and let your caregiver know immediately if you notice a decrease. Though her quarters are getting cozy, she should still be as active as before. While you're sleeping, you're likely to have some intense dreams. Anxiety both about labor and about becoming a parent can fuel a lot of strange flights of unconscious fancy.

36 Weeks - and in our new home!

My Love & I with our Bump!

Geoff and I moved on Saturday which was a rather epic day! ...we packed until about midnight on Friday night. Everything went quite smoothly on the day which was great. We had a look at the house on Thursday afternoon & thought we'd made a mammoth mistake as it is quite run-down, with issues like the cornices being loose in our intended baby's room, cracked tiles etc etc. But when all our stuff stared arriving & we arranged things in our home, it became wonderful and warm and very homely.

Geoff has set up studio in the extra little 'office' space off the bedroom... and we have doubled my office & the guestroom in to one space. It's great because its right near the kitchen and the dining room table (which is where I anticipate doing a lot of work / craft etc!)

Mom and Dad arrived on Tuesday & they painted our baby room yesterday. It looks so much better (the walls were cream, but we painted over them with our favorite colour - "Magic Mist" (which looks white until you put it against white, and then one can see that its got lots of life in greyish-purple tones). We also sorted out her clothes etc -- I will post a pic as soon as the room is complete with canopy & special light fitting etc...

I have been feeling quite light-headed and a bit dizzy for a few days now. I think its most likely exhaustion from the move & having to deal with unpacking & people being around etc. Also, 2 male baboons came through the kitchen window yesterday. They ate so much of the contents of my fruit bowl, smashed eggs & destroyed a flower vase & a glass jar of oats that was on the kitchen counter - turned the bin over -- I tried to get it out which let another one in & they upturned the bin full of fruit and veggie peels which ended up all over the floor with the oats & broken glass...and they poo-ed in the lounge. I shut myself in my office with the door closed - they were HUGE & not responding to me chasing them out - a baboon monitor (I phoned them in a panic) and Geoff arrived - Geoff got here in record time from Kalk Bay & did most of the cleaning up for me as I was pretty shaken.  I'd just got our new kitchen sorted out & it ended up in such a shambles. I am still feeling quite nervous about any sounds I hear that seem out of place - any bumps..and I had a dream last night that intruders had made their way in. I'm keeping the windows closed for now.

Our appointment with Dr.Nel went really well on Thursday last week... Stella is weighing an estimate of 3.2kg and her foot measured at 7cm (which is rather huge for someone who still has to grow for another 4 weeks or so before being born!!?). Dr.Nel pointed out the hair on her head and that she was sucking the side of her thumb (cute!). She is still lying to my left & her head is nicely engaged in my pelvis.

Today my bump feels as though it has dropped since yesterday...although, it may be my imagination, but it does seem that way!  I read that this is a good thing because it means that she's descending into my pelvis and the dropping can happen up to 4 weeks before birth, so our little monkey is behaving perfectly & all seems on track. I am so very excited to meet her! :) She's been kicking and moving frequently & seems very happy and well.

Mental birth preparation feels to me at the moment like I think I'd feel if I were preparing for a first time skydiving experience. I know that it (birth / jumping out of the plane) is something I have to do in order to get to the other side of the experience, but I have no idea what it might feel like.
There seem to be lots of unknown factors that can only be dealt with when the time comes: it's all theory. It can be dangerous & exciting...and certainly rewarding! I have no idea exactly what's going to happen and when & how my body / mind etc might react... how long it might take - how how long it may be perceived to take. (Hopefully adrenalin won't be an issue with childbirth though! )


Baby Center Says:

How your baby's growing:
Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 2.7kg and is more than 47cm long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement. At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

How your life's changing:
Now that your baby is taking up so much room, you may have trouble eating a normal-size meal. Smaller, more frequent meals are often easier to handle at this point. On the other hand, you may have less heartburn and have an easier time breathing when your baby starts to "drop" down into your pelvis. This process — called lightening — often happens a few weeks before labor if this is your first baby. (If you've given birth before, it probably won't happen before labor starts.) If your baby drops, you may also feel increased pressure in your lower abdomen, which may make walking increasingly uncomfortable, and you'll probably find that you have to pee even more frequently. If your baby is very low, you may feel lots of vaginal pressure and discomfort as well. Some women say it feels as though they're carrying a bowling ball between their legs!

You might also notice that your Braxton Hicks contractions are more frequent now. Be sure to review the signs of labor with your practitioner and find out when she wants to hear from you. As a general rule, if you're full-term, your pregnancy is uncomplicated, and your water hasn't broken, she'll probably have you wait to come in until you've been having contractions that last for about a minute each, coming every five minutes for an hour. Of course, you'll want to call right away if you notice a decrease in your baby's activity or think you're leaking amniotic fluid, or if you have any vaginal bleeding, fever, a severe or persistent headache, constant abdominal pain, or vision changes.

Even if you're enjoying an uncomplicated pregnancy, it's best to avoid flying (or any travel far from home) during your final month because you can go into labor at any time. In fact, some airlines won't let women on board who are due to deliver within 30 days of the flight.